Monday, December 1, 2008


A few days ago I was lying on my back on the grass staring up at the sky. I could feel the edges of the rough grass blades pricking my exposed skin, threatening to poke through the cloth layered on my body, but it didn’t matter. These minor annoyances were pushed away as I lost myself in the clear blue abyss of the heavens. The words that came to mind were “wide open expanses.” There was hardly a cloud – the few noticeable white streaks only accentuated the vivid blue. When I stared straight up and relaxed my body, I could feel myself being drawn into a different world. The blue became a magnet – pulling me – forcing everything else to fade into the background – as though it was all about to become non-existent. I refocused and let my eyes roam momentarily over the contours of the blue dome. Looking back at the center, I though how endless this still ocean of color seemed. I could almost imagine there was no horizon – that the curves rushed on – forming a perfect sphere – encompassing me. I wondered what it would be like to be floating in a ball of sky. Would I feel frightened by the lack of something solid or would I feel free? Would I breathe in the fragrance of hope and tirelessly swim through the sapphire stretches or would my heart constrict in desperation, longing to stand still and plunge my toes into cold, moist earth?

Perhaps these are childish fantasies – the musings of one whose weary eyes were fighting sleep. Maybe, like Alice, I was on the verge of falling over a precipice after some white creature into a beckoning dream world. Or maybe I simply found myself longing to cast off the cares of this world and catapult into another. Maybe, as the dredges of responsibility and worry clung to me, I couldn’t help but desire the glory of that which is yet unseen. Maybe, the “wide open expanse” that drapes this world was as close as I could come at the moment.

Deserving of ridicule? Perhaps.
Stirring up hope in one tired of reality? Definitely.

Try it sometime. But maybe you’d prefer a blanket.
The cords slowly constrict
Around my body
As I gasp for air –
My lungs burn
I struggle to break free
But the bonds tighten.
There is no escape

I release myself to
Rivets of pain
Longing, yearning
To be free
What is the world like?
I claw at my memory
But grasp nothing
All I see is the small, dark room –
My world now
Quietly, slowly
Words brush my soul:
There is no escape

I let it consume me
And fall back into oblivion
My pleading shrieks swim
Into nothingness
Echoing, pulsating
Fading into the silence
There is no escape